I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
