I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
