woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
