I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
