Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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