At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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