my mouth tastes like poor choices
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
