it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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