last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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