lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We're too hungover to prance.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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