He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize