You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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