I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
