You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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