Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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