my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
