I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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