oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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