Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you had me at cake vodka
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
