i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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