Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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