I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
