all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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