This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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