is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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