Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
