We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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