did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
