Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
