Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
