I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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