Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
