Fuck appropriateness.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
