He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
