I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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