thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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