We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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