i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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