i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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