I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
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I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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