The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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