Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
