his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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