My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
