guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i love accidental penises.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
