Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
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I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
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LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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