This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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