I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
