i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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