eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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