2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
