Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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