She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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