just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
