my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
