Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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