Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
