What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
