I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize