dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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