I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
